From Survivor to Systems Builder: Ray Epstein’s brave fight for change on Campus

When I was 13, I entered my first relationship, which quickly became abusive. Unsure what abuse looked like or how to articulate what was wrong in my relationship, I remained in it for months. The summer before 8th grade, I finally ended it, but we attended the same middle school. I began receiving death threats from my abuser as the fall semester approached, and I reported them to my principal. The response was virtually nothing. When I saw my abuser again, I physically collapsed and finally understood what I had been struggling to identify as wrong throughout the entirety of our relationship. I reported the sexual abuse to my principal and guidance counselor, and was met with utter disbelief. When my peers found out, I faced that same disbelief from them. I was ultimately left with no choice but to finish 8th grade from home. In my suddenly amassed free time, I attempted to turn my pain into something impactful; I began interning at Break the Cycle—an anti-teen dating violence non-profit—on Capitol Hill. I designed resource sheets for survivors, spoke on panels, and testified at congressional briefings. I remained at Break the Cycle through high school, where I continued to attend school with my abuser and face backlash from my peers who had branded me a liar.

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I had expected to continue this work in college, hoping to be a background character, not drawing attention the way I had in high school and middle school by identifying myself as a survivor. When I imagined universities, I had an idealistic vision of protests and megaphones. But I was wrong to assume that there would be a space for me on my campus. When I discovered there was no organization on our campus, I knew it was no longer an option for me to sit in the back of a meeting and feel some sense of contribution. I had to start something.